Big feelings: tantrums, hitting and emotional regulation
Why meltdowns happen, what co-regulation looks like in the moment, and how to respond to hitting and biting.
🏡 Family life & routines · 5 min read
Key facts
- The brain regions responsible for self-regulation are still developing well into the school years.
- Children regulate by borrowing an adult's calm — this is called co-regulation.
- Biting in toddlers is usually communication or sensory seeking, not aggression.
In the moment
- Lower your voice and your body to their level
- Name the feeling: 'you really wanted that turn'
- Keep everyone safe first, teach afterwards
- Wait out the peak — reasoning does not land mid-meltdown
- Reconnect before you revisit the rule
Hitting and biting
Respond to the hurt child first, then calmly and briefly to the behaviour: 'teeth are not for biting — biting hurts'. Then look for the trigger. Most biting is about crowded spaces, tiredness, teething or not yet having the words for 'I was using that'.
Educators will work with you on a shared plan so the response is the same at home and at the centre. Consistency is what actually shortens the phase.
Building the skill over time
Name emotions in everyday moments, read books about feelings, and talk through what happened once everyone is calm. Children learn regulation from hundreds of small repetitions, not from one big conversation.
Frequently asked questions
Are tantrums a sign of bad behaviour?+
No. Tantrums are a normal part of development while the brain's regulation systems mature. Calm, consistent responses help children build the skill faster than punishment does.
What should I do if my child is being bitten at childcare?+
Speak with the room leader. They cannot identify the other child, but they can explain the supervision and prevention plan in place and how they are supporting both children.
Keep reading
Settling your child into childcare: a week-by-week guide
Orientation, drop-off tears and the four-week rhythm most children settle into — plus what to do when it takes longer.
Play-based learning and the EYLF: what your child is actually doing all day
Why 'they just played today' is the sign of a strong program — and how the EYLF outcomes show up in sand, blocks and dress-ups.
Want to talk it through in person?
Book a tour of our Bayswater or Mooroolbark centre and ask us anything.